Ok. So I saw Tim Burton's Alice.
I wasn't disappointed since I started at 0 enthusiasm, so I guess that's good.
There were some VERY good parts, but for me they were REALLY over shadowed by the parts that were just COMPLETELY FUCKING INANE.
SO many questions that I had were left unanswered or left to very vague ideas.
Example A: Why is the Hatter half scottish half british?
Answer: Because he's Mad?
REALLY?! REEEALLY?! What the hell.
I loved that he spoke...possibly gaelic? I thought that his mood swings were perfect with a tiny bit of malice. But his flashback with the long curly red hair....yeesh >_>
Okay. Here's another question. Why the hell is the Red Queen merged with the Queen of Hearts?
And why is Wonderland suddenly Underland?
These two and a bunch of questions like that can be equated to the FUCKING LAME ASS EXCUSE that "Well. You see. Alice came here before but she plum forgot! So all the stuff that you hold to your heart or know about wonderland is just the forgetfullness of a silly little girl WHO WOULD OBVIOUSLY FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IF SHE WAS SCARED OF WHAT SHE SAW WHEN SHE WOKE UP!"
A carpet excuse to do whatever you wanted.
The other problem I had with the movie is that for what felt like the first TWO HOURS of the movie they have to RE-explain "Underland", because of the big stupid excuse that Alice forgot. So now everything has to be worked through and you have to explain why Alice came back, the calendar thingie, they have to explain the war that happened in wonderland, explain the relationship between the Red and White queen, the terror of the Jabberwocky and explain that the Vorpal blade is the only thing that can kill it.
Except they really sort of failed at all of that. They skimmed over all this information and it LITERALLY felt like watching a movie based on a book and all the info we needed is in the book.
Except the book has nothing to do with this crap.
Literally, about an hour into the movie I yelled out "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THIS MOVIE!?"
HOWEVER!! Aside from the horrible begining, the under-explained plot set-up, and the completely thrown together with scotch tape and spit....I enjoyed the rest of the movie.
So roughly the score plays out as 60%confused and angry and 40%enjoyed and pleased.
A lot of points were scored for the Red Queen. A LOT. But another thing with the RQ wasn't explained and was just left to be assumed that becuse of her giant head she PURPOSEFULLY surrounded herself with "freaks". That was SUCH a touching and sad thing about the Queen and it was never really touched into. But ...it really was the first time in a LOOOONG time that I liked a character by HBC.
The White Queen was hilarious. Her movements and manner and ability to be poised and pick up disgusting things, perfection.
The Dormouse(who...was randomly female?) and her eye stabbing abilities. Awesome.
THE CHESHIRE CAT! LoL He was so cool. I might be totally biased because I love cats, but cat wise he was SO CUTE. And when he sits on Hatter's hat and paw-paws it. I died.
Like...Emile and I grabbed each other and had kitty-fangirl-squeal.
And his parting farewell to the hat. Perfection.
I LOVED the fight with Alice and the Jabberwocky...until that final line.
At taht point in the movie I was almost enthralled. She was BEAUTIFUL flying through the air and she said that lame ass fucking line at the end and killed all of my almost love.
Anyway, the NY housewives on bravo have completely distracted me at the moment so I'll end this now.